Transgender Microaggressions: How to Spot and Stop Serious Harm
“You’re pretty for a trans woman”
“You’re my first trans friend”
“Have you had the surgery?”
Every day, trans and nonbinary people experience discrimination in their lives. Oftentimes, it’s a subtle yet common discrimination known as microaggressions. Microaggressions are interactions that typically happen in social settings. Some examples include school, work, and being among family and friends. Microaggressions invalidate a person’s identity or experience. They are statements and behaviors that send a negative message about a marginalized group. For people that are on the receiving end of microaggressions, it can create a lot of distress leading to poor mental health and physical health. If their situation doesn’t improve, gender therapy might provide support.
Know what to look out for
Psychologists found twelve themes of microaggressions targeting trans and gender-nonconforming people in a study published in the Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling in 2012. The themes are the following:
1. Use of transphobic wording, such as incorrect gender pronouns, belittling language, and publicly questioning a person’s gender.
2. Assumptions that all trans people are the same, such as assuming all trans people undergo gender-affirming surgeries.
3. Not seeing trans people as humans.
4. Disrespecting or being judgmental of trans people.
5. Upholding the gender normative and binary culture that denies a transgender identity.
6. Denying the existence of transphobic experiences.
7. Assumptions that trans people have a mental illness.
8. Physical threat or harassment, such as teasing, intimidating, or bullying someone because of their gender identity causing an unsafe environment.
9. Cisgender people denying their own transphobia.
10. Denial of personal body privacy, such as asking intrusive questions about a trans person’s genitals or appearance.
11. Familial microaggressions occur within the family and are subtle or unintentional.
12. Systemic and environmental microaggressions occur on an institutional or community level.
The truth is no one is free from learning to internalize gender and sexual orientation biases. Everyone, even members of oppressed groups, can act in hurtful and discriminatory ways toward others. If you’re wondering how you can contribute to stopping the harm caused by microaggressions, you’re amazing. Keep reading.
Are you the one receiving microaggressions?
Confronting the person who has used microaggressions is an option. You can schedule a time to talk with the person. Plan what you want to say and practice it ahead of time. Think about your safety and the type of relationship you have with the person. Is this a stranger or a close relationship? That will help you in figuring out how you want to handle the situation.
The point of confrontation is to bring awareness to the microaggressions. Instead of accusing someone of being transphobic or homophobic, explain how the behavior or statements made you feel. This applies if you want to maintain the relationship or bring awareness to harmful behavior. Here’s an example using “I feel” statements: “I felt deeply hurt when you said I would never be a real woman”.
Take good care of your self
It is very important that you take care of yourself. Microaggressions can be shocking. In fact, it can make you feel that you don’t belong. What you need is to have your experiences validated through social support. So, you may benefit greatly from supportive friends. Or, a group of people that are also trans or nonbinary. Find role models that motivate and uplift you. Read some books and seek LGBTQ+ community resources. Or, meet with a gender therapist who will support you and your unique challenges.
Are you the one expressing the microaggressions?
No one is immune to engaging in microaggressions. They are oftentimes unintentional. But, it does not mean you are a bad person. What it does mean is that we live in a society where the dominant worldview tends to be masculine and heterosexual. The rules of society and our past experiences typically define our behavior.
What do I do when someone says I am the microaggressor?
Take notice of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Try not to be defensive toward the person who took a risk in sharing this information with you. Instead, acknowledge the person’s experience and apologize. To prevent microaggressions reflect on where it came from for you. Where did you learn that behavior or language? We need to unlearn old thoughts and behaviors that cause harm so that positive change can happen in our interactions with each other and society.
Begin Gender Therapy in Miami, FL (and other services)!
You deserve to be supported in confronting discrimination. I help adults and teens from my Miami, Florida therapy practice and throughout the state with online therapy in Florida. In addition to gender therapy, I offer anxiety therapy, depression counseling, counseling for parents, teen counseling, HRT letters, and relationship counseling for one. If you’re ready to talk, just follow these steps:
1. Contact Better Life Therapy
2. Meet with me, Roxana
3. Start embracing the amazing person you are!
Other Services Offered At Better Life Therapy For You
Gender therapy isn’t the only mental health services at my Miami, FL-based practice. Other mental health services Better Life Therapy provides include depression counseling, relationship counseling for one, parenting counseling, and online therapy. I also write referral letters for gender-affirming procedures.